But why can’t I be like him...
Have you got one of those friends who seems to have it all? They wake up in the morning full of energy, finding a career they love seemed to be a piece of cake, they always seem upbeat and positive and yet they haven’t ever read a self-help book, been to a seminar or even worked out at the gym, and to top it all off, they eat all kinds of unhealthy food and it seems to have no impact on their health or weight!!
I have recently started reading Rafa Nadal’s autobiography. I love reading autobiographies and there are always many gems to pick up from anyone who has achieved a level of success in their chosen career.
He said something that touched me and I feel it’s extremely valuable for everyone to hear this:
“I play through pain much of the time, but I think all elite sports people do. All except Federer, at any rate. I’ve had to push and mold my body to adapt it to cope with the repetitive muscular stress that tennis forces on you. but he just seems to have been born to play the game.
His physique - his DNA - seems perfectly adapted to tennis, rendering him immune to the injuries the rest us are doomed to put up with.
They tell me that he doesn’t train as hard as I do. I don’t know if it’s true, but it would figure. You get these blessed freaks of nature in other sports too. The rest of us just have to learn to live with pain, and long breaks from the game, because a foot, a shoulder, or a leg has sent a cry for help to the brain, asking it to stop…”
What I love about Nadal is that he just accepts that he is not blessed to be one of those “freaks of nature.” Instead of bemoaning the fact, he is happy to travel the harder and more gruelling journey which ultimately leads to the same destination. He has become one of the only players in the world who can beat Federer even when he’s playing at his best.
My journey has not been an easy one and continues to be full of challenges and hurdles to overcome, but I have come to accept that that’s just the way it is for me.
I know that without the incredible team I have around me I would really struggle. I have an incredible mentor, friends and most importantly an amazing wife, who is a pillar of support and believes in me way more than I believe in myself!!!
If I stopped meditating or reading inspirational books or attending seminars or even exercising daily, my life would look very different. I probably wouldn’t be writing this blog and feeling as alive and well that I feel right now.
Don’t worry about what works and doesn’t work for other people. Get to know yourself, do whatever it takes to achieve your goals and ambitions and if you have to take the harder and more gruelling route to get there, well, just remember Nadal!!
Facing Your Fears
You can spend a life time reading and working on overcoming your fears but at the end of the day the only real way to overcome them is to face them head on!
There are no shortcuts in life and if you truly desire to live a full life you must overcome any hurdle that stands in your way.
Around this time last year I decided to do a skydive. It was by far the most scary thing I could think of doing and when I was completing the sign up form online my hands were literally shaking!!!
Before the skydive I considered myself a very cautious person. I would always try and play it safe but it bothered me. Deep down I felt uneasy living this way and I knew I had to break out of this mentality in order to pursue my dreams.
I basically needed to take on a new identity. I wanted to become someone known for being courageous and willing to do whatever it takes to succeed.
Skydiving would mark the beginning of a new journey and I can now say that it really did leave a lasting impression on me. Now when I feel scared my first thought is to face the fear head on.
What are you most scared of and is it holding you back in life?
When I left my day job to pursue me dream of becoming a full time Life Coach, I was chatting to someone in the office and he turned to me with admiration and said he wished he had had the courage to have done the same thing when he was my age.
I really felt for him because he is such a talented guy but he chose to play it safe and is now living with regret.
One of my biggest fears used to be cold calling. I would be too nervous to call people or organisations up and offer my services. I had this misconception that no one would be interested and would just put the phone down on me.
I was so wrong and even recently I was shocked when I called up an organisation to have a chat with them about one of my products and they gave me the mobile number of the founder, who is pretty famous but I won’t reveal their name!!!!
Whatever your fears are, now is the time at the beginning of the year to commit to overcoming them. From fear of spiders to cold calling to skydiving, whatever it may be, it’s healthy to face up to your fears and overcome them.
You feel stronger afterwards and it gives you the courage to handle any of the challenges or hurdles that will come your way in the future.
Let this year be the year that you begin your new journey and take on a new and more empowering identity.
A New Year’s Resolution
There’s a healthy way to reflect on 2015 and an unhealthy way!
If a close friend of yours got up to speak in front of a large audience and his or her speech totally flopped, what would you say?
I’m pretty sure you would comfort them and reassure them that it happens to everyone, you just need to keep trying and with enough practice you can become an outstanding speaker.
We generally know what to say to others and are very good at helping them stay up beat and positive. However, when it comes to ourselves we become terribly critical.
This time of year presents us with a great opportunity to look back at what we have accomplished over the past year and plan for the year ahead.
Some of you may have had an incredible year and some of you might be looking back wondering how you managed to get through it!
Whatever your current situation is, what’s most important is to look after yourself, speak nicely to yourself and stay focused. The more compassionate and loving you are to yourself the more compassion and love you will have to share with others.
Spend some time over the next 24hr’s looking back over the past year, celebrate your successes and make sure to learn from your mistakes. Each day brings with it new opportunities and endless posibilities. Being harsh and critical will only stunt your growth and prevent you from moving forward.
The past doesn’t define your future
Neuro-scientists have taught us that our brains are incredibly adaptive. Bad habits can be replaced with healthy ones and old negative thought patters can be replaced with healthier and more positive ones.
The most powerful force in the world is the human spirit. When a human being commits to change and a new way of life there is very little that can stop him or her. A human being on a mission becomes an unstoppable powerhouse and the impossible becomes possible.
As the famous saying goes: “When there’s a will there’s a way.” Make 2016 count. We live in the information age. We are all surrounded by endless amounts of resources, we just need to become resourceful.
If you want to feel happier, more at peace, earn more money or improve your relationship, there are endless resources out there to help you, you just need to go out there and find them.
From the depth of my heart, I wish you all a happy new year, enjoy your celebrations and make sure to plan for the year ahead and make it count.
I’ll leave you with one of my favourite quotes from Tony Robbins:
“Live life fully while you’re here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You’re going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don’t try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.”
Re-programming your Brain
Our brains are essentially wired for survival which is obviously a good thing because otherwise we would do all kinds of crazy things to endanger our lives.
However, the world is constantly changing and it’s vital that we programme our brain to keep up to date and make sure it’s working well for us now and not against us.
Reality and objectivity have very little to do with our everyday lives. Whatever situation you find yourself in, there will be multiple ways of experiencing it, and at the end of the day it’s the emotions you feel which determine the quality of your life.
After spending much time researching the brain I believe there are essentially two fundamental modes your brain will switch to: “Opportunity mode” or “Watchful mode.” That’s two very different ways of viewing the world.
When you’re brain is switched to ”Opportunity mode” it looks for opportunities no matter what situation you’re in. When things get tough it will search high and low to find a way out, to find away to love more, feel more grateful, feel happier and become more successful. It’s constantly on the look out for opportunities to improve the quality of your life and share more of your love and joy with others.
When the brain is switched to “Watchful mode” it’s like you are stationed on a battle field having to constantly watch your back, it’s all about survival. What may seem to some as an opportunity will appear to you as seriously dangerous.
When you are in “Watchful mode” there is no room to take risks. It’s about keeping safe and secure. Opening yourself up to falling in love is too dangerous, feeling grateful will only distract you from spotting danger and feelings of joy and happiness will only tempt you to let your guard down which is way too dangerous right now.
“Watchful mode” is important for those times when you really are in danger like being in the jungle or actually on the battle field. This mode will actually save your life, but in day to day life living in the 21st century this mode can quite literally destroy the quality of your life and unfortunately for many, it’s the cause of serious mental disorders.
Whenever we are faced with an economic breakdown like we saw in 2008 there are people who’s brain switches to “Watchful mode” and they react with fear and anxiety, but there are also people who’s brain switch to “Opportunity mode” like Warren Buffet who saw an opportunity to buy shares in companies that were now seriously undervalued. Many large firms were started during difficult economic times like Microsoft, Apple and Burger King.
I was recently at a seminar in Central London and the main speaker took out a £50 note from his pocket and asked the audience: “Who would be willing to give me £20 for this £50 note?” My brain at the time was switched to “Watchful mode” and all I could think of was that this must be some kind of trick. i was so fearful that I couldn’t even do the maths properly to work out what a great deal this was. My brain was in overdrive shouting at me that there’s danger written all over this.
Only a few people from the audience took up the offer and the speaker picked one guy, gave him the £50 note and then turned to the audience and said: “It’s not difficult to make money if you are looking for opportunities. Most of you thought this was too good to be true so didn’t even bother raising your hand!”
That was a powerful lesson that has stuck with me. Everyday it’s important to spend some time using your mind to encourage your brain to switch to “Opportunity mode.”
I Often tell people to reduce the amount of news they watch and in some cases stop watching the news altogether. There are many famous entrepreneurs who won’t watch any news, they rely on other people to tell them the general headlines. This is because they want to keep their brain switched to “Opportunity mode” and not revert to “Watchful mode” which is highly likely to happen when you watch the news. As soon as the brain sees danger it will immediately switch to “Watchful mode” to try and keep you safe.
Dedicate some time each day to filling your mind with grateful and pleasant thoughts. The more positivity your can feed your brain the more likely it will switch to “Opportunity mode.”
We are surrounded by endless opportunities everyday but only a few notice them and fully capitalise on them.
Experience True love
The most important things in life are actually FREE!
Money can’t buy love but It can buy infatuation. Just look at those girls who go crazy over their favourite pop stars and film stars. They are totally infatuated but they aren’t in love (even though they may think they are!!)
When I say that love is free I only mean in terms of money. People don’t just fall in love with one another and then helplessly fall out of love with one another. There is a price to pay to experience true love; You need to be fully committed to the relationship and willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.
You can be attracted to someone even if you don’t know them very well or even without saying a word to them. However, to be in love you must know your partner inside out.
There are a number of questions in my book which have been carefully worded to create healthy conversation. By working through these questions couples start to understand their partner and begin the journey to building a deeply loving relationship.
One of the questions in my book is:
How can men make women feel safe and secure to express their inner feelings about the relationship?
Many women never feel comfortable to express their inner feelings about their relationship. They either think their husbands won’t understand or that if they bring it up their husband will just become defensive.
I wouldn’t recommend firing this question at your partner without reading the book first because you need to create the right atmosphere and follow my instructions carefully but these questions have the power to transform your relationship.
I have worked through all the questions with my wife and she has been pushing me to publish the book for over a year now so I highly recommend you download it. It’s the best £1.99 you will ever spend!!!!
The more you get to know your partner and the more open you become with each other the deeper your love will be. Love is such a powerful emotion and unfortunately it’s an emotion which many people never get to fully experience.
With the holiday season coming up now is the time to raise your game and take your relationship to a whole new level.
If you have any questions or want to ask for some advice then just pop me an email at email@example.com
Have a great weekend!
My book has arrived!!!
Is it really possible to have a highly passionate and intimate relationship or is that just some hollywood fantasy?
I have to be honest with you, I used to believe that passionate relationships were a fantasy and had nothing to do with real life. Even when I first heard Tony Robbins talk about his incredible marriage I thought he’s probably exaggerating.
Today I can tell you with certainty that you can build a highly intense and passionate relationship. My confidence comes from the fact that my wife and I have created just that in our own relationship and I’ve helped other couples achieve the same.
How to create this kind of relationship is actually pretty simple, the problem is that firstly it’s not easy and secondly most people have no idea what they’re doing! Too many people have either received the wrong education or are just uneducated in this area.
I wrote this e-book because I want everyone to have the kind of relationship that I have. This book is as practical as it gets and has the power to take your relationship to a whole new level.
The book is all about you and your partner getting comfy on the sofa and together discovering how to make each other feel loved and cherished.
You will be surprised by how little you know about your partner and how incredible your relationship will become once you know how to satiate their every need and desire.
Long lasting, passionate relationships don’t happen over night but can be built pretty quickly if you really get to know how each other tick. Let me give you an example:
I once had a couple who were on the verge of divorce. During one of our sessions the wife turned to her husband and said: “When we have one of our fights and I storm off to the bedroom, I wish you would come running after me.” Husband: “Why have you never told me this.” I butt in and say: “Why did you never ask!!!”
So there you have it, that’s basically the whole goal of the book. I want you to know your partner inside out and then you will be able to perform at your best and shower your partner with all the love and affection that they long for.
My e-book is currently on amazon for £1.99 and you can download it by following this link: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Passion-Relationship-Handbook-Alan-Abrahams-ebook/dp/B018PNHPC4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1449433177&sr=8-1&keywords=little+relationship+handbook
I will be writing a number of blog posts to accompany the book and give you more tools and advice. If you have any questions or want me to write about a particular issue or topic then just send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org
To your relationship!
How far will you go?
People often say that “life is not easy” and I think we can all agree on that, however, just because it’s not easy doesn’t mean it’s not simple!!
I have dedicated the past seven years to researching what it takes to achieve success and after reading a stash load of autobiographies I think the answer is pretty clear.
All these great people were willing to do whatever it takes to achieve their dream. It didn’t matter what stood in their way, they simply weren’t going to give up.
Even if J.K. Rowling received another hundred rejection letters she still would have carried on trying to get her book published. Steve Jobs was on a mission and even being kicked out of his own company was never going to hold him back. These people just won’t give up.
I love tennis and like many others I was watching the Davis Cup. There was one thing that struck me. I could see clearly what separated the top few players from the others.
At the end of the day there is not a huge difference in talent between the top tennis players and the others but there is a difference in their mental attitude.
Next time you watch a tennis match notice how players like Roger Federer and Andy Murray will chase down every ball. They will never give up even if they are two sets down and facing three match points. Imagine how intimidating that is for their opponents.
We all have dreams and ambitions but unfortunately many people brush them under the carpet because they are too scared of failure. They choose comfort and security over meaning and pleasure. No one really wants to settle for second best and failing along the way is not as bad as you might think!!
If you have a dream and you want it badly enough there is nothing that can stop you. If you are looking for an easy life then I wouldn’t recommend chasing your dreams but if meaning is a must, then go for it and refuse to give up until you succeed.
Are you happy with your life?
Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic flight? Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down. Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short. The music won’t last.
Do you run through each day on the fly?
When you ask: How are you? Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores running through your head?
You’d better slow down. Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short. The music won’t last.
Ever told your child, we’ll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste, Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch, Let a good friendship die?
Cause you never had time to call and say, “Hi”?
You’d better slow down. Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short. The music won’t last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getter there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift thrown away.
Life is not a race. Do take it slower
Hear the music before the song is over.
(Slow Dance by David L. Weatherford)
I think this poem says it all. Have a great weekend!
A belief that nearly ruined my life
This was one of those Aha moments when suddenly I realised the single biggest factor that was holding me back in life. Initially I was angry at myself and then I came to peace with it, learnt from the mistake and now finally making sure that no one else makes the same mistake I did.
We all have a number of beliefs about life and about ourselves. Most of these beliefs reside in our subconscious. Even though we are unaware of them, it doesn’t mean they aren’t controlling our lives.
I used to have a belief that I’m now quite embarrassed about but for most of my life it seemed to make total sense, at least on a subconscious level. I believed I had to lower myself and appear as weak in order to gain someone else’s love and approval.
I’m not going to go into why I had this belief but if your a psychologist I’m sure you’ve already figured it out!! The crucial point is how detrimental this belief can be. I have noticed other people who live with this belief and it’s holding them back from achieving the kind of success they really want.
Successful people like to hang around with successful people. It’s not hard to prove that, just think of the most successful people in the world and look at the type of people they hang around with.
From now on I ask everyone of you reading this post to commit to never lowering yourself before another human being. Quite the opposite, you must present yourself as a highly successful and accomplished individual. I know what you’re thinking!! but I’m not and I’m not the kind of person to lie.
Well, I certainly don’t want you to lie and if anyone asks you what have you accomplished in your life, don’t make up a whole load of rubbish!!!! The important thing is to present yourself as a highly successful person. It’s all about the vibes and energy you give off.
We have all accomplished many things in our lives and success is subjective. There is no reason why you don’t have the right to present yourself this way and the benefits of doing so are life changing.
People will treat you differently and offer you opportunities that they never would have done so previously. Some of your friends won’t like the new you because they will feel threatened by it but those are the kind of friends you need to leave behind if you truly want to live a successful life.
We are the creators of our lives and have the power to change our circumstances and begin a new more enriching and meaningful life. Celebrate your past achievements, remind yourself of all the wonderful things you have accomplished so far and then present yourself to the world as a highly accomplished individual.
This could very well change your life forever.
How To Make A Good Decision
If you want to live a truly fulfilled life then you have to master decision making. I’m going to be very straight with you, most people try to avoid making decisions because they are too scared. I often hear people say: “I have no choice.” That way if their decision turns out to be wrong they can at least comfort themselves by saying, well, I had no choice anyway!! Stop kidding yourself!!
So how do you make a decision with clarity when you are petrified of making a mistake. What if it’s a decision that will affect your whole family and fear is stopping you from having a clear head to think it through properly.
Here is my tried and tested formula. It’s quite simple but extremely effective. You have to ask yourself this question: If you knew with absolute certainty that whichever way you went things would work out perfectly, just your life would be different, but still happy, what would you decide?
The great things about this question is that now you are thinking of a theoretical case where there is no sense of danger. What’s there to be scared of? it’s going to work out whichever way you go. Now you can think clearly and get a better sense of how you feel and what you really want.
Once you have clarity and you know which way you want to go, now you have to be pragmatic and think about the consequences of your decision and how you are going to take action to ensure you can cover the downside. The nature of a decision is that you might get it wrong so you need to think about the worst case scenario and how you would deal with it.
With a clear head you will find that the worst case scenario is often not as bad as you initially thought. When we are scared our imagination runs wild and we envision armageddon and all hell breaking loose!!!! That’s often not the case at all.
Every risk is worth taking as long as it’s for a good cause, and contributes to a good life.” - Sir Richard Branson
Making decisions means taking a risk and as Richard beautifully says, sometimes risks are worth taking. The important thing is to make decisions with a clear head and not in a state of fear. I hope my formula helps you do that.